What Are We Doing About This Mess of a World? Seriously.

The woman who lives above me has panic attacks and worries about people killing her. She has barely left the apartment for a year (since the boyfriend left her there) and spends the entire day walking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, occassionally stopping to drop something. She should worry about ME killing her, but it is a wonderful metaphor for self-obsession destroying women. She doesn't volunteer to help the Poor. She doesn't battle the Tea Party. She doesn't have friends or lovers, she is just surviving with no idea why. Sometimes, I think that I am no different. I belong to various committees at Church. I belong to a few political organizations, but too much of my time I am obsessing about aging and men and Love, like I am doing right here. And nothing ever changes. Notice my delicacy. Notice my needs. Yeah...so? Don't the Poor and the kids and the disabled need a lot more? Delicate? Please! If you don't fall down, you're healthy and keep living. What am I contributing other than the sound of a whine? Why can't we be happy being loved for our leadership and skills? Perhaps that's why I'm not a leader and I'm not educated and I'm not helping anyone...pure, unadulterated self pity mucks up the work. And trust me, the self-pity is a human thing, for both men and women and grows worse in this economy. Damn it, no! If this whole exercise doesn't lead to making me a better human being, then I may as well be like the woman upstairs, walking back and forth like a Gerbil for 16 hours a day.