What Exactly Is It That I Want Now?

Doubling down to catch up after a long break. What exactly am I expecting life to bring to me at this point? Children are a definite "NO!", but I never wanted children. Romance? No, that doesn't often happen in this country at this time to women my age and could be dangerous to the Bank Account. Sex? I am amused that Retirement Homes have outbreaks of STDs. And while Ceci, my young Avatar, was terrific at sex and enjoyed it more than most, it's really not that big a deal to Sue although she could use a cuddle now and then. Or am I pretending not to care to protect myself from disappointment and embarrassment over my aging body? I do know that I love writing, even though it's never paid off. It would be nice for my words to reach an audience, payment or not, but I still have a lot to learn. People? Definitely, although I still have the social skills of a teenage ox, I'd like to keep getting to know how to just talk to people and laugh with people and care about people. Since I have time on my hands, I should volunteer...although Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady would be far too busy with the kids, the house and the husband to have to do that. I don't have to do it either, I want to. I want to see that I have done some good, made a difference and to Hell with it being done by an Old Maid. It's time to just be a Human Being, for, after all is said and done, that's what we all are.